Refrain from the following phrases or phrases like it. While you may mean them in a positive manner, the family may not see it the same way. Also, do not always feel the need to talk about cancer. Remember, this is still your old friend! Keep up lighthearted conversation. If they feel the need to talk about cancer, just listen and let them get it off of their chest.
“I know just how you feel.”
Unless you have a child with cancer, you probably don’t know.
“My cousin had cancer too…”
Be cautious when sharing stories of other people you know who have cancer. Everyone’s cancer experience is different. Other stories, especially those with unfortunate outcomes, are not the best way to fill the silence.
Don’t ask “What if?” questions such as, “What if he can’t go to school?” “What if the insurance won’t cover this?” “What if the chemo doesn’t work?”
The present is all that matters, let’s focus on that first.
“Everything is going to be ok.”
No one has any way of knowing this for sure. Instead, just let them know that you will be there for them – no matter what.
“At least you caught it early.”
A diagnosis is just the beginning and cancer is serious no matter what stage it is detected in. Be sympathetic to the fact that there is still along road of treatment ahead.
“At least you still have other healthy kids” or “Thank goodness you are still young enough to have more kids.”
A child’s life cannot be replaced.
“Let me know if there is anything I can do.”
Instead of asking, offer specific ways you are willing to help.
“When will their hair grow back?”, “She’s lost so much weight” or “He looks so pale.”
The parent is with their child every day, and chances are they know everything you’re already commenting on. Not to mention, these children are very perceptive, they can hear you talking about them!
“God only gives people what they can handle.”
Don’t assume. Some people can’t handle the stress! But they’re being strong for their children.
“Well, we are all going to die one day.”
This may be a reality, but parents of a sick child don’t need to be reminded of it.
“It’s God’s will.”
We know God has a plan for us, but this isn’t comforting to hear.
“What if you would have had him tested earlier?”, “What caused this?” or “What could you have done differently?”
Parents of children with cancer have asked themselves these questions time and time again and saying it will just feed into their guilt.