I’ve spent the past 10 months praying for God to heal Layla’s body and rid her of this cancer. To restore her to good health and allow to live a long and happy life. I’ve spent the past several weeks praying for, EXPECTING, a miracle. Miracles happen, right? I’ve had people email me telling me of their miracles. I’ve read about miracles. I’ve even witnessed miracles.

Our time frame for miracles is running out. Layla’s PICC line (IV that is inserted in her arm and runs to her Vena Cava to administer meds) stopped working Sunday night so she spent Monday at Texas Childrens having it repaired. Thankfully, they were able to get it working again without surgery. Praise God! While there, they did an ultrasound to see what’s going on with the tumors in her little body. I’ve been praying all morning for some good news like “They’ve stopped growing”. Instead, we got news that there are new tumors. One inside her liver and another on the right side of her abdomen, where her kidney should be. The existing tumors are still growing.

This cancer is invading her body. NOW is the time for a miracle! She is very tired and lethargic. She is down to 18lbs. Her eyes are bruised and she can hardly pick up her head. We need a miracle NOW. Her breathing is becoming soft and labored and her heart rate is declining. She is sleeping more and more.

She still likes her own bed, so Ryan and I are working in 6 hour shifts sitting in her room watching her sleep. Her dog is planted at the foot of her bed. Amazing how animals know these things. Her 2 sisters told her goodbye tonight and went to my mother’s house for the night. I didn’t think Layla was going to make it through the night. Once again, she proved to me that she is stronger than I could ever dream of being. She is still with us and sleeping peacefully.

I take comfort in a few things. First, I know there are angels watching over her. I know they are sitting right beside her; that she is never alone. Her angels will usher her into heaven. Second, I know her death will not be in vain. She has done what God sent her here to do. She has gone above and beyond. I receive hundreds and hundreds of emails every day from people telling me their faith is stronger because of her. She has managed to do more Godly works in her short 2 years on earth than most people do in 80. I take comfort in the fact that when she returns home, she will be greeted by the Lord and hear “Well done good and faithful servant”. She will instantly be renewed and have a perfect heavenly body. There will be no more tears, no more pain and no more sorrow. She will see glorious things we can’t even begin to dream of. Revelation 21:18-21 says  The wall was made of jasper, and the city of pure gold, as pure as glass. 19 The foundations of the city walls were decorated with every kind of precious stone. The first foundation was jasper, the second sapphire, the third chalcedony, the fourth emerald, 20 the fifth sardonyx, the sixth carnelian, the seventh chrysolite, the eighth beryl, the ninth topaz, the tenth chrysoprase, the eleventh jacinth, and the twelfth amethyst.d 21 The twelve gates were twelve pearls, each gate made of a single pearl. The great street of the city was of pure gold, like transparent glass.

I’ve spent all this time praying for her to be healed. AND SHE WILL BE. It just might not be in the way I want. Within a few short days, one way or another, Layla will be healed and absolutely perfect.

A received this poem that was written for Layla. It is so beautifully written and conveys exactly what is on my heart.

Layla Grace, Layla Grace, with your sweet sweet smile and your angel face
You have moved many while running your race, darling Layla Grace
Though you are young and your years be few
God’s doing wonderous things through you
In present times we don’t understand
It can be hard to see His hand
But we know it’s part of a greater plan
We believe this to be true

For those on the outside looking in
We see a giant girlish grin
It’s hard to fathom endurance so great
And the fiesty fight of this featherweight
In the midst of suffering and enormous pain
Your parent’s steadfast faith remains
What a testament to all who view
The trials you are going through

We pray for a miracle, Lord once more
Pray more fervrently than we’ve ever prayed before
Have mercy on your witness small
Bring healing, peace, and rest above all
Lord, you alone know what’s to come
Bring peace and healing to everyone

To all of whom this girl did hear
Whether distanced far or nestled near
You’ve blessed us with a heavenly light
Her courage shining bold and bright
Bring her family peace tonight
Steady their ship and steer

And if you call this wee one home
No longer on this earth to roam
If her moments left are fleeting, brief
Comfort us admist our grief
Remind us of your perfect will
Hold us firmly, planted still
Let our hearts remain aware
That she is in your loving care

You will hold her tiny hand
And guide her through Your glory land
No more need for her to cry
As you sing her heaven’s lullabies
And rock her gently in your arms
Untouchable to hurt or harm

What a special treasure made in You
This precious child with eyes bright blue
A shining reflection of your glorious face
Lord, Thank you tonight for Layla Grace.
For each measured moment before family may part
Make sweet cherished memories to keep in their hearts
She’s made this world such a brighter place.
Lord, Thank you tonight for sweet Layla Grace.

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Towards the end of a pregnancy, a mother will wake up to go to the bathroom every few hours. I think this is the body’s way of preparing you for a newborn and the sleepless nights that come along with it. Layla now spends most of her days sleeping. 30-45 minutes after she wakes up, she is ready to lay down and sleep again. Is this God’s way of preparing me for all the quiet time that is coming soon? The house is quiet. I am able to go through the motions of laundry, dishes, cooking and picking up without interruptions. But I WANT interruptions. I WANT Layla to be under my feet asking for cookies. I WANT to hear her playing with her toys. I WANT to take 45 minutes to unload the dishwasher because she keeps trying to help. For every time I uttered the words “I just can’t get anything done with these kids under my feet all day” I am eternally regretful. The days that I looked forward to naptime so I could get a grocery list made, or finally fold all the piles of laundry…I regret those days too. If I could do it all again, I’d enjoy EVERY SINGLE WAKING MOMENT I had with her. I would never wish for her to sit still or take a nap or go to bed early. I would never look forward to the days when she could sit through an entire episode of Dora silently. I would treasure every second with her.

So I’ve spent the last few days in a quiet house, able to do whatever my heart desires. But all I want to do is wake her up and hold her. She doesn’t really want to be held much anymore. She prefers to be rocked in her dark bedroom for a little while, then laid down in her bed. She gets easily overstimulated by the noise of the other children downstairs. She wants dark, silence, peace and sleep. So we give those things to her. As much as it breaks my heart to not be able to hold her all day, I know her little body needs peace and sleep.

We have tried to put her in our bed with us but she screams. I’ve tried to rock her in my room, but she just cries. She wants familiarity. Her own bed. Hospice told us that when the time comes that we shouldn’t leave her side (i.e, she only has a few hours or days), she won’t know where she is and won’t put up a fight about sleeping with us. She’ll only open her eyes for a few minutes at a time.

We had plans to visit family in Oklahoma this week, to go to the zoo, the beach, the rodeo…outside to play. That will not happen. We had family pictures taken last week and I’m so happy we did. We can hardly get Layla to say a word, let alone give us a smile or lift her head up long enough for pictures. Family has come over to visit her the past few days without success. She doesn’t want to leave her room and they have come and gone without being able to hold her, talk to her, and some instances even see her. Our Pastor came by yesterday and we started making some funeral arrangements. At the end of his visit, he asked if we would like to have her baptized. We said YES and he baptized her right there in our kitchen. She was very peaceful and didn’t cry or make any noise during it. I truly feel like God was holding her in his hands and comforting her.

She is hooked up to a morphine pump and had a dose of Dexamethasone on Saturday. Sunday morning she ate 4 bowls of cereal and was in a fairly good mood. She sat up in my lap long enough to open her Valentine’s present and watch some tv. Since then, it has been a steady decline.

Please pray for her comfort; both physically and spiritually. Please pray that she knows how much God loves her and she isn’t scared about what she is feeling and what is happening. Please pray for minimal pain and suffering. Please pray for Claire and Jenna. They are so confused and uncertain about what is happening. They cannot fully grasp the finality of her impending death. I can hardly grasp the finality of what is happening.

Here are a few pictures of her FIRST bubble bath since May of last year (these were taken February the 12th), and Valentine’s morning.

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If you live in the Houston area, PLEASE join us as we storm the gates of heaven for Layla. Pastor Michael Meissner will be holding a prayer vigil on Friday, February 12th from 7pm-8pm. We will gather at St. John Lutheran Church at 15235 Spring Cypress Rd. in Cypress TX. The first hour will be spent praying, sharing Scripture and crying out to God.  The “official” part will last for about an hour, but all are welcome to stay and pray individually or in a small group for as long as they want.  We have the church til 9, 10, midnight . . . whatever.   Pastor Michael will stay and pray until the last person leaves.

Ryan and I will arrive with Layla at 7pm and stay until she needs to go home. She is having surgery in the morning (a new PICC line put in), so she may be very worn out. I am very eager to meet Layla’s amazing prayer warriors!!

If you have any questions, please contact Pastor Michael Meissner — LifeBridge Church @ 832-628-0072 (cell).

If you don’t live in the Houston area, please pray wherever you may be at 7pm Friday night.

“For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them” – Matthew 18:20

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Hello Layla’s Angels and Prayer Warriors –  

This is Sarah Tucker; some of you may know me, I am friend of Shanna’s and the Marsh family has requested me to provide you with an update on Layla’s current condition.   I would like to prepare you all as much as possible, this has not been easy to write – So sit down and prepare yourself.

As most of you know on January 22, 2010, the doctors told Shanna what she feared the most, Layla’s treatment plan did not work and in fact, there were more tumors invading her sweet little body.  The doctor gave the family a few treatment options and went home with Layla and an oral chemo to hopefully slow the growth of the tumors.  The doctors were very up front that this journey may be over soon, in fact two to six months, with six months being a miracle.  The next day after speaking with Shanna and she told me of her plans for a puppy for the girls.  The puppy, who they named, Evie has been a great blessing to their lives.  She has definitely provided smiles and laughter in their home.    While enjoying time with her family at home, sometime last week, Layla started having trouble sleeping.  The nightly doses of Tylenol for pain turned into daily doses of Morphine.  Layla stopped eating on Friday and only wanted to be held.   She became increasingly lethargic, fussy, and just plain uncomfortable.   Shanna knew something was not right.  They made a rush appt with the doctor on Monday and the doctor told Shanna that the tumors have been growing at an alarming rate.   Shanna could feel the tumor in her sweet baby’s abdomen; which confirmed her biggest fear.   Shanna and Ryan went home and faced the end was closer than they had hoped for.  On Tuesday, they received a call from the doctor who spoke about the need for hospice care.  They were also told without any tests or scans that they could only hope for a week or two more with Layla.  Layla’s little body has been attacked by cancer and her fight will soon be over.  She will soon be at peace with her heavenly Father and will suffer no more pain.  Shanna and Ryan are understandably devastated, but their faith in God and their strength in each other and in the Lord have not failed.  They are facing all of those things that no parent should have to face.

Today, Layla is slowly fading, her breathing is slower and she doesn’t want to be held.  She is resting now.  She will have scans Thursday at Texas Children’s and we may know more – but we do know that the end is very near. 

Please pray for this precious family as they prepare for the loss of their sweet Layla Grace.  She is a miracle and will leave this world as perfect as she came into it.  She will be healed soon of this horrific disease and she will be perfect.

There will be a prayer vigil held in Cypress on Friday night from 7:00 pm to 8:00 pm, more details to come (sorry I don’t have them yet)  I will post them as soon as I know !!!  If you are not in the Houston / Cypress area and cannot attend the vigil, please take that time out of your evening to pray.  Pray for peace, for comfort, and for Layla to rest comfortably until the end.  We have not given up hope, but it is what it is.  Sometimes the miracles we so badly seek are not the way we imagine them.  Your prayers and support cannot be measured.  The Marsh family often thinks of all of Layla’s Angels and thinks – Wow, who knew our baby girl would touch so many people, we are just plain people from Cypress, Texas…. Who knew? 

If you have any questions / concerns / etc – please shoot me an email at fightforlayla@gmail.com – we are trying to get to everyone of them and trying to print them all out – it is amazing to see the love for Layla! 

Thank you is not enough, but it is all I have for now, Please continue to pray and check twitter updates.  I will blog for Shanna when I can.  God Bless each and every one of you and your families.  Hug your babies tight and give them an extra kiss.    – Sarah

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